ARE YOU TROUBLED?
(If you are troubled, talk to your favourite or trusted teacher (preferably of the same gender as you) if you need to; ITE also have counsellors who can talk to you in more detail.)
Young people like you all will face problems in life. It is good to heed the advice of older people who have gone thru life.
Q1. Why are parents so naggy?
Parents are usually worried over your lives, what u do, what kind of people u mix with, etc. cos they care about you. The way they show their care is sometimes difficult to accept, but that is life. Try your best to bear with them, and assure and reassure them that you will remember what they have said. Try not be out of the house so often that u hardly talk to your parents.
Understand that your parents have their own problems, stress etc with their work and financial burdens. If they are doing their best to provide you food, shelter, education, etc, then u shld be grateful to them. There are no perfect parents on earth, just as you and I are not perfect.
They grow up with less technology than you have, and in different environments, and have different viewpoints from you. For example,
- they don't play the computer games you play;
- they might not know how to use the computer/laptops/tablets as they might not have the chance to learn how to use them;
- they used to pay less for what they had than today, so they might remind you not to spend too much;
- the movies and shows they watched had different themes from today's movies/show; etc.
Thus, try to understand them. Ask them about their kind of shows, movies, drinks, foods, etc.
Q2. Why must I study?
One day u will become an adult and need to get a job and earn money to feed yourself, your siblings (if you are not the youngest), and maybe help to ease your parents' burden. The time should come when you begin giving back to your parents.
When u get a girlfriend or boyfriend, u will need money to go pak-tor. When u are serious abt getting married, u need money for your wedding, then to buy a housing flat, etc. To get a good job, u need qualifications and certificates. Having a Nitec/Higher Nitec cert can give u a start. Of course if u can go on to Poly and get a Diploma, it would be better.
To apply for a job, you need to submit a resume and state your qualifications. If you have none, chances of getting called for interviews will be low. Up to 2015, there are plentiful foreigners working in sg - that means they compete with you for jobs. They are cheaper to employ as they are paid lower. If they have the same skills as you, employers will employ them and not you.
If u choose to waste your time now, one day u may need to come back again, or study night classes for the same certificate. Govt education pays a lot for you - all the labs, computers, classrooms, etc all need money to buy and maintain. If u dont graduate, u would have wasted all these money from the govt. When u take up private courses, they will cost a lot more.
If you parents need financial help, check with your CA or Students' Services what help the govt can give you. Make full use of the govt aids and spend the money carefully. Aim for scholarships by getting a good GPA. Put up a good behavior in class. There are other awards like Edusave, Book Awards, etc.
You can also sign on with the SAF or Navy or Police if you need financial help urgently.
In 2016, our govt will have SkillFuture for students to work and study with pay.
In 2018, ITE aso started the Work Learn Technical Diploma programme that allows a student to work (paid) and study.
Q3. Can I have sex at this age?
It is not advisable. Better to leave the decision till u are an adult (above 21), have a stable job and income, and have a serious relationship. At your age, usually relationships are not mature as u are not ready for marriage. Treat your body as a precious item. If u simply let others have sex with u, others will see u as 'cheap' and loose.
One time of sex, and a girl's virginity is gone forever. The best option is to reserve sex for your husband or wife. Just because your friends are doing it does not mean it is ok. You decide for yourself, it is your life, your future.
If a guy tells a girl to have sex to prove that she loves him, the girl should not do it. That is not the way to prove love. If a man truly loves a girl, he would want her to be a virgin until they get married. But nowadays, not many young people believe in that. You decide for yourself.
>>>>Read this report
Another risk of having sex with more than one person is that of contracting sexual diseases, such as AIDS, and that can ruin your life.
If you as a girl gets pregnant, there will be many problems you have to deal with, such as:
=should I keep the baby or abort it? You may need to trash it out with your bf, parents, etc.
= if I keep the baby, who is going to look after him/her? Myself? Parents?
= where am I going to get the money needed to bring up the baby? Diapers and milk powder are not cheap.
= if my bf leaves me?
= if my parents chase me out of their house?
= if there is no one I can turn to for help?
= if I abort the child, will the guilt be with me for life?
* Suggested action - read some books on sex, sex education, etc for more knowledge.
Q4. Is it okay to watch porn?
Most or all people will watch some amount of porn in their lives. But young people tend to have less control over their sexual urges. The more u watch, the more addicted u can become, and u also may want to try sex with others out of curiosity.
f u can control yourself, try not to watch at all. If u do, minimise it, and never get addicted. If u find it really hard not to watch, try getting counselling for your own good.
Q5. What if I fall in love with a teacher?
Young people usually do not fall in love. What they go through is known as puppy love - a kind of feeling that u like a person very much and just cannot keep the person out of your mind 24/7. No one can explain why or how it happens. The feelings can be sweet, but if the object of your puppy love does not respond the way u want, u can become very miserable.
If that happens to you, talk to your best friend about it so that u can release your feelings, then try your best to control your feelings, take up more activities to keep your mind occupied. It will go away as suddenly as it came, but in between, u can find it very distressing.
If u are a female student, never be alone in a room/lab with a male teacher. If he asks u to do it, just run away from him. If it happens too often, talk to your favourite teacher about it.
Sometimes a teacher's care might be mistaken for love by students who lack family care at home.
Teachers are not allowed to date students under MOE rules, so if a teacher you like avoids dating you, you must understand why. Or if a teacher tries to be intimate with u or dates u, try to reject him/her. If the teacher becomes unreasonable with you after your rejection, or use your assignments to threaten to fail you, talk to the Section Head about it. (But there had been cases where teachers marry their students after the students had left school.)
Q6. Should I start dating?
Dating means you go out alone with a person of the opposite sex. You are too young for that. It is better to go Group Dating - about 6 to 8 persons. Have good fun mixing with boys and girls together. Enjoy yourself. Learn to be sociable. Join CCA activities in ITE, go for camps, overseas trips, etc.
But avoid going to secluded places where u can have hanky-panky. Instead, go for games like badminton, table-tennis, or jogging, etc. Also, try to let your parents know who you mix with and where u go to. Parents are always worried that you may get into bad or wrong company.
You should also think about what kind of people u want to mix with :
- smokers? (It is not a sin to smoke, but I observed that smokers usually do not do well in their studies; might be because they need to take long smoke breaks and thus miss lessons)
- those who do not want to study?
- those who take drugs?
Since u are in ITE, you objective should be to study and aim for further studies after ITE. so mix with those who are interested in studies.
Q7. If I cannot take it, should I run away from home?
Never run away from home unless u have no other options.
Even if u do, try to go and stay with adult relatives like your grandparents, aunties, uncles, etc. They will at least take care of you and look after u. If u run away, u will not be able to support yourself financially.
Count the costs - rental, food, transport, clothings, water bills, phone bills, etc. You may need minimum of $1000 cash for all these a month. Then no one may look after u, and you may be cheated by some people who pretend to help u. Some may also trick u into taking drugs. There are syndicates that trick young girls into prostitution to make money for them. Remember, home is the safest place for a young person like u, even if there are other problems.
Q8. What if I am, or I think I am, gay?
Today, people are more open to this idea, and some accept it as natural. But in Asia, it is still not easy for acceptance. It is not easy to let your parents know abt it as you do not know how they will react. If you let your friends know it, you may lose them or they may even make fun of you.
Maybe join some support groups, or talk to a counsellor. No matter what, u have to take care of yourself and make decisions carefully, and be prepared for the consequences.
Q9. Why must schools have rules? It makes me feel very childish.
Every country has its laws, and every institution or organisation has its rules too. Without rules, there will not be any discipline. Part of schooling is to help students learn to be disciplined. if you cannot obey rules in school, it is likely that you will not obey laws when you leave school.
There is nothing childish abt obeying rules. Putting on school uniform neatly; keep your school clean; do not damage school property; be punctual for classes, etc. These are some of the rules you need to adhere to when working too.
Just remember that whatever is done in school is meant for your good.
Read this case - Ex-scholar had sex with underaged girl
Q10. What happens when/if I fall in love with a married person? Or a married person wants to have a relationship with me?
Everyone of us can get into such a situation. How you face it and make decisions depend on your moral principles and value system. If u dt handle it carefully, it can bring lots of problems into your life, and leave scars for the rest of your life after it ends. But when one is in love, one makes irrational decisions as emotions are often muddled up. It is best to try and avoid such a situation, but no one can be sure that it wont happen to him/her. To keep a relationship at the platonic state (good friends without sexual relationships) is very difficult as partners normally get jealous when one of them gets too close to another person, and others around them will also gossip and spread rumours. Jealousy can blind a person and him/her to do anything irrational or crazy, like committing suicide, kill, murder, take drugs, etc.
Ask yourself questions like:
- will there be a future for us? Will he/she get a divorce and marry me?
- if I break up a marriage, how would I feel? Guilty? OK? Will I also be destroying the future of the kids they have? One day, will someone else break up my marriage?
- will my parents accept me marrying a divorcee? Will I go ahead even if they do, or they disown me? Do I care at all?
- what is the age gap between us? If I go ahead with a person 20 years my senior, what will be the potential problems? Lifestyle? Habits? Sex drive? Social circles?
- will my friends support me or desert me?
- if I go ahead, will he/she secretly carry on with his/her ex, or look for them when I have marital problems?
- how would I react if I discover later that even after divorce, they carry on with their sexual life?
- if he/she can divorce for me, will he/she divorce me for another person in future?
- am I prepared for all kinds of unexpected consequences?
Bottomline - whatever your decision, face the consequences!!
>>>Crime from Romance
Q11. Can I have fun by posting nude pics/videos of myself on FB or other sites, or send them to my friends via Whatsapp/Telegram/Twitter/Signal/Instagram/Tiktok (known as Sexting)?
Sexting means taking sexy or nude photos of oneself and sending them to another person via SMS or other media like FB. Many young people like to do that nowadays and think that it is fun. But it is in fact risky - your ex can take revenge by sending these photos anywhere just to shame you. Once done, it can never be undone. So u may love a person at one time, and sexting may be fun, but if/when the relationship breaks up, you or the other person may not take it lightly, and may seek revenge. If u can control yourself, try not to do it.
Q12. This world is unfair. Why are some born in rich families and can enjoy life, while I am born in a poor family and suffer?
Yes, life is indeed unfair, and no one religion or philosophy can completely help us understand why. Most poor people will ask this question. Unfortunately, there is no way to get money dropping from the sky no matter what you do. There must come a time when you accept the facts of life and see the need to earn money for a living. If you dont work for it, you will remain poor all your life. So dont envy others. If your parents cant afford to buy the latest phone or tablet for you, let it be. Instead, tell yourself you need to work for it so that one day, you will be self-sufficient, and if you have children, they will not have to go thru what you are going thru.
Dont take short cuts for money, such as prostitution, being a loan shark runner.
Q13. Can I date a person who has a different religion from me?
There are some points to consider if u are considering long term dating and marriage.
a. If a non-Muslim is to marry a Muslim, he/she MUST convert to Islam. It would be advisable for a Muslim to ask the non-Muslim this question about conversion BEFORE serious dating begins.
Guys who marry female muslims must go for circumcision (cutting of the foreskin of the penis). Is the guy prepared to do that?
b. Christians prefer to marry Christians.
Christians may not take part in any non-Christian rituals during funerals such as holding joss sticks, folding silver/gold papers, burning hell notes, etc. This may cause friction among family members from both sides during funerals of family members.
c. Non-catholics MUST embrace Catholicism if they get married to a Catholic.
Buddhist are not so governed by strict laws.
If two persons with different religions feel that they are deeply in love, and face parental objections, they will have a very hard time being together. Some defy their parents and go ahead with their marriage, and leave their families. Some give up their relationships for the sake of the parents. It is a difficult decision to make. Of course, should too many problems follow after marriage, there may be regrets.
It is best that you should try your best to keep your parents informed of your choices, talk to them about such differences, and not argue with them about your rights. Use slow persuasion. Give them time to think over the matter. In the long run, you will need your family members and parents emotionally. Falling out with them may not bode well for your future.
There are some points to consider if u are considering long term dating and marriage.
a. If a non-Muslim is to marry a Muslim, he/she MUST convert to Islam. It would be advisable for a Muslim to ask the non-Muslim this question about conversion BEFORE serious dating begins.
Guys who marry female muslims must go for circumcision (cutting of the foreskin of the penis). Is the guy prepared to do that?
b. Christians prefer to marry Christians.
Christians may not take part in any non-Christian rituals during funerals such as holding joss sticks, folding silver/gold papers, burning hell notes, etc. This may cause friction among family members from both sides during funerals of family members.
c. Non-catholics MUST embrace Catholicism if they get married to a Catholic.
Buddhist are not so governed by strict laws.
If two persons with different religions feel that they are deeply in love, and face parental objections, they will have a very hard time being together. Some defy their parents and go ahead with their marriage, and leave their families. Some give up their relationships for the sake of the parents. It is a difficult decision to make. Of course, should too many problems follow after marriage, there may be regrets.
It is best that you should try your best to keep your parents informed of your choices, talk to them about such differences, and not argue with them about your rights. Use slow persuasion. Give them time to think over the matter. In the long run, you will need your family members and parents emotionally. Falling out with them may not bode well for your future.
Q14. Why is it that some staff like to scold us? My parents also dont scold me.
In life, we will have good and bad experiences, and will meet all kinds of people.Being scolded is part of life. You may be scolded by those who wish to teach you some lessons, to discipline you, for your own good, etc.
When you are going thru training, in ITE or other places, in particular in the army for guys, you will be scolded or punished when you make mistakes or break rules. Most people will learn only after scolding and/or punishment. If you get scolded/punished, ask yourself if you have any areas to improve.
Teachers who scold you hope you can do better. Those who dont scold you prefer to give you more chances to improve. Both have good intentions. Many people only realise the good intentions of those who scold them, after they grow up in adults.
You need to learn to take it, swallow your pride, and improve yourself. Sometimes you feel that you have not done wrong, but to others, you might have. Learn to see things from others' point of view.
In life, we will have good and bad experiences, and will meet all kinds of people.Being scolded is part of life. You may be scolded by those who wish to teach you some lessons, to discipline you, for your own good, etc.
When you are going thru training, in ITE or other places, in particular in the army for guys, you will be scolded or punished when you make mistakes or break rules. Most people will learn only after scolding and/or punishment. If you get scolded/punished, ask yourself if you have any areas to improve.
Teachers who scold you hope you can do better. Those who dont scold you prefer to give you more chances to improve. Both have good intentions. Many people only realise the good intentions of those who scold them, after they grow up in adults.
You need to learn to take it, swallow your pride, and improve yourself. Sometimes you feel that you have not done wrong, but to others, you might have. Learn to see things from others' point of view.
Q15. Why do some young people commit suicide?
Most people, maybe everyone, in life will hit a bottom point at one time or another.At that point, one feels that all is lost and there is no point in living on. Some choose to commit suicide at that point. Most likely it is because they had no one to help them at that point of time. You wont understand how it feels like until you experience it.
Good friends and best friends are a very important part of our lives. If you do not keep a few BFF, and help them when they have problems, you will be alone when you have problems. Make it an objective to keep a few good friends, and,
Most people, maybe everyone, in life will hit a bottom point at one time or another.At that point, one feels that all is lost and there is no point in living on. Some choose to commit suicide at that point. Most likely it is because they had no one to help them at that point of time. You wont understand how it feels like until you experience it.
Good friends and best friends are a very important part of our lives. If you do not keep a few BFF, and help them when they have problems, you will be alone when you have problems. Make it an objective to keep a few good friends, and,
- help them when they need help
- listen to them when they are angry
- tolerate their faults if you can
- give way to them as much as possible
- give and take; dont always take without giving
- show appreciation for their friendships
- dont do anything to lose their trust in you, etc.
Q16. Are you a bully?
A bully is actually a coward, because he/she will only act huge when faced with a weaker person, or will gang up to beat up one person.
If you are one, think about the damage you can cause to your victims.
They might never recover from the damage, which can be physical, psychological, emotional, etc.
A bully is actually a coward, because he/she will only act huge when faced with a weaker person, or will gang up to beat up one person.
If you are one, think about the damage you can cause to your victims.
They might never recover from the damage, which can be physical, psychological, emotional, etc.
Q17. Had you been a bully victim?
If you had been bullied before, you need to tell yourself to overcome it.
Victims tend to be,
- very quiet
- not sociable
- hardly talk
- fearful in look, etc.
To reduce the damage done to you, plan to do the following in phases:
- first month, say hello to the student sitting beside you and to your lecturers
- second month, plan to get to know at least one other student who is willing to befriend you;
go for meals, breaks, lessons together
- join a CCA with a friend, and aim to make more friends
- pick up a physical activity like Tae Kwon Do or Muay Thai to develop confidence
If you get bullied in ITE, notify your CA immediately.
If you had been bullied before, you need to tell yourself to overcome it.
Victims tend to be,
- very quiet
- not sociable
- hardly talk
- fearful in look, etc.
To reduce the damage done to you, plan to do the following in phases:
- first month, say hello to the student sitting beside you and to your lecturers
- second month, plan to get to know at least one other student who is willing to befriend you;
go for meals, breaks, lessons together
- join a CCA with a friend, and aim to make more friends
- pick up a physical activity like Tae Kwon Do or Muay Thai to develop confidence
If you get bullied in ITE, notify your CA immediately.